My brain on a bicycle


It’s Sunday afternoon. The rest of my household is napping. I’m trying to nap, but mostly I’m thinking about going for a bike ride. It’s way too nice outside, and more importantly, it’s not windy. I have to get on my bike. The following is a fairly accurate peak inside my brain while I am doing my most favourite (ahem…well, almost) activity…riding my road bike:

Warning: There are a few F-bombs in here. I can’t help what is usually INSIDE my head. Sorry Mom.

Also, the entire time, this song is playing in my head:

Helmet-check, tires pumped-check, gloves-check, sexy shorts-check, water-check, cell phone-check, sunnys-check, Garmin-check.

Whooop! Let’s go!

Fuck this is awesome. I love my bike.

What gear was I in last time? Yeeeeshh. (Shift down)

Damn. Forgot to start my Garmin.

How long before I’m good enough to not have to unclip my pedals at every intersection?

I wonder if that truck sees me.

I hate trucks.

Good thing I unclipped my pedals.

When are they going to clean the streets?

I hate gravel.

Can you get a ticket for not signalling on your bike?

I love my bike.

Driving is so lame. I should ride my bike more.

I wonder how fast I’m going? (check Garmin)

Damn, I thought I was going faster.

It would take me…let’s see…7 hours…to finish the bike portion of Ironman if I was going this slow.

How do people ride so fast?

Maybe I need a faster bike?

Haha…maybe I need to just ride my bike more…

I love my bike.

What is that SMELL?

Hey look, roadkill!

What WAS that?

Ok, here comes the “hill”.

I hate hills.

Whoever said Saskatchewan doesn’t have hills was not riding a bike.

If I stop people will think I have a flat tire or something and then I would have to explain that I’m just tired and that would be embarrassing so I’d better keep going.


ACCKK, *spit*, bug.

Keep your mouth closed, woman.

I wonder how fast I’m going?

Can I check my Garmin without crashing?


Fuck this is awesome.

What is that rattling sound?

Are my wheels both tight? Did I check before I left?

Jesus Murphy, I think one of my wheels is going to fall off.

I’d better stop and check.

I’m such a chicken. My wheels are fine.

Hey! Other chick on a bike! Hi chick! Look, I’m riding a bike too! Isn’t this awesome?!?

I bet she’s training for an Ironman. Her bike was cool.

I should have brought a snack.

If I got a flat tire, would I actually stop and change the tube, or would I just call Dan?

I think I would just call Dan.

My butt hurts.

That truck sounds really big.

Holy mother, it’s sucking me in! Thanks for slowing down, loser.

I hate trucks.

Hey look! Cows! “MOOOOOooooooo” Hi cows!

Why is it so windy?

I hate the wind.

I can’t wait until I turn, then I bet it won’t be as windy.

Hey look, dead snake!

Whoever said this was a “lady parts-friendly” seat was lying. When dudes ride their bikes, where do all their man parts sit? Ouch. At least I’m not a dude.

Driving is so lame. I should ride my bike more.

I love that smell in spring when everything is blooming. *sniff, sniff*

Fuck this is awesome. I love being outside.

I wonder if the people passing me in their cars think I’m going really fast?

I am going to have the best sexy bike shorts tan.

I should have worn sunscreen.

I am totally going to have ice cream when I get home.

I love my bike.




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